I puked a lego.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My feet surprised me
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