see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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