We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
