This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
