It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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