You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
