Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I love having hate sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
