part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
