Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
