Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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