you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
