Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
two words: eviction party
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
