I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize