I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I will die if light touches me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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