fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
