Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
