i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
