soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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