I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
