The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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