Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
