Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
