i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
