Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
