I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
