the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
