you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Congratulations! We have a period
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