Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the night ended with taco bell and tears
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
