So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
