I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
