Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
