My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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