So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
