i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
