Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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