I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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