We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
