just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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