just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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