The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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