Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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