Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize