you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
