Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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