I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
