At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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