Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
