Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
