meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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