I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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