in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
