ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
