the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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