I just made out with a guy for $7.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
