When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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