i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
