Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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