i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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