I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
