you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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