Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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