hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize