Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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