I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
