Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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