I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
