well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize